I look happy in this picture which seems wrong...perhaps I can attempt to expain. I finally got the chance to go visit my grandmother's grave since the funeral on February 16th, 2007. I was a little nervous about it because I knew it would be emotional, but mostly excited as it marked some kind of small step in closure and processing grief. My mom bought beautiful flowers at Trader Joes and arranged them into boquets that we laid on her aunt & uncle's grave as well as her grandparents' (Aina, whom I was named after- a little weird to see my name on a gravestone), and then finally my sweet Nana.

People process loss in such different ways...there is not a right or wrong way, there is only your way. Some people have to see their loved one after they pass, some hold on to the ashes, some can't even make it to the funeral...for me I think...the greatest comfort and sense of closure comes with relishing in the wonderful memories and making sure that nothing goes left unsaid...and of course the peace that comes from faith. I do not have to see someone's body after they die (although, I confess it was a blessing to see my Nana at peace the night she passed)...but, by seeing a dead person there is no doubt that we have a living soul that goes on after we pass.

Caleb and I are thinking cremation at this point if we were to die. I think it's the cheapest route and we both feel we don't need to visit a particular spot to remember each other. Hmmm...I just realized that this is getting really morbid, but it's true...Life is but a vapor.